1. Choose One Negative Core Belief

If you have identified a number of negative core beliefs, choose only ONE to begin working on.

You could choose the one that is of greatest concern to work on now or one that is related to any biased expectations, negative self-evaluations, or unhelpful rules and assumptions that you have previously worked on.

Write that negative core belief in the top box of the ‘Adjusting Core Beliefs Worksheet’ in the download section.

Also note how much you believe the negative core belief at now, when it’s most convincing, and when it’s least convincing. Note how the negative core belief makes you feel.

Throughout this module, you will need to keep referring to this worksheet and completing the relevant sections as we go.

This will ensure that as you work through your negative core belief and tackle it, you have a clear record of this process to refer to at anytime in the future.

Once you have worked through the process of adjusting this first negative core belief, you will then be able to apply it to other negative core beliefs you might want to change.

2. Develop a Balanced Core Belief

Now it’s time to develop an alternative core belief to replace your old negative one.

When developing a new core belief, you want to aim for something that is more positive, balanced, and realistic.

Think of something that is a more accurate reflection of yourself. It is important that the work you do on your negative core beliefs is not just about squashing the belief that you have been carrying around, but also about promoting a new balanced view of yourself.

So it is not so much about saying what you are not (eg., “I am not stupid”), but more about saying what you are (eg., “I am capable in many ways”).

From the work you have done in previous modules, you may already have some idea of what a more balanced core belief might be.

It might be the opposite to your old belief (eg., “I am incompetent”) (“I am competent”), a more moderate view of yourself (eg., “I am a failure”) (“I am great at many things, average at other things, and weaker in some areas like anyone else”), or something else (eg., “I am no good”) (“I am a worthwhile person”).

The important thing is that the new belief is more balanced, weighing up all the information (not just the negative) available, and including both your strengths and weaknesses.

When developing a new core belief, ensure that your worth as a person is not being determined by only your faults or weaknesses.

Also make sure that you are not painting an overly positive view of yourself (eg., “I am perfect in every way”), as this will be unrealistic, and it is unlikely that you will believe it.

Remember not to discount any new alternative core beliefs on the basis that you don’t fulfill these 100% (eg., “I can’t put down that I am competent because sometimes I get things wrong.”). No one is capable of such feats of perfection, so instead, accept that you are your new view of yourself – not perfect, but “good enough.”

Now that you have an idea of your new balanced core belief, write it in the ‘Adjusting Negative Core Beliefs’ worksheet’ (in the download section).

Also note how much you believe this new core belief at various times (now, when it is most convincing, and when it is least convincing) and how it makes you feel when you reflect on it.

In these early stages, you might not believe it a whole lot. That is to be expected, given that you have carried the other negative view of yourself around with you for some time.

To help you be more open to the new balanced view of yourself, let’s work through the process further.

3. Examining the Evidence for Old Beliefs

To start to chip away at your old negative core belief, we first need to examine the evidence you base this belief on.

What evidence do you have for this negative view of yourself?

What experiences do you use to justify this negative core belief?

To try to uncover what you base your belief on, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are there current problems I am having that I base this belief on? (eg., problems with depression or anxiety, relationship problems, etc)
• Am I condemning myself because I need help and can’t manage alone? (eg., turning to friends, family or mental health professionals for assistance)
• Am I condemning myself based on past mistakes I have made? (eg., failing school, trouble with the law, infidelity in past relationships, etc)
• Am I condemning myself based on specific weaknesses of mine? (eg., not being academically minded, not being good at sport, etc)
• Am I condemning myself based on my physical characteristics or my personality attributes? (eg., my body size, my attractiveness or my shyness, my untidiness)
• Do I base my view of myself on how I compare to other people? (eg., whether I am better than them in certain tasks, achievements, appearance, etc)
• Do I use how other people treat or have treated me as a basis for how I view myself? (eg., abuse, neglect, mistreatment)
• Do I use the behaviour of other people as a basis for how I view myself? (eg., my child’s poor behaviour)
• Have I lost something that is important to my self worth? (eg., job loss, relationship break-up)

Once you have a clear idea of some of the evidence you use to justify the negative view you have of yourself, write the evidence down in the column marked “Evidence For” your Old Negative Core Belief, on the worksheet.

When you have identified the evidence for your negative core belief, it is time to assess how credible and accurate the evidence is.

This is like being a lawyer who questions how good or trustworthy the evidence is, whether or not it stands up under scrutiny.

This is where you also ask yourself:

Are there alternative ways of understanding this evidence?

Are there other explanations you have not considered?

Are there other ways of interpreting or making sense of the evidence, other than condemning who you are as a person?

Try to uncover other ways of understanding the evidence by asking yourself the following questions:

• Are there other explanations for the current problems I am having, other than personal shortcomings? (eg., “I have not been meeting my commitments – not because I am lazy – but because procrastination and neglect are symptoms of depression”)
• Are there benefits in getting help from other people? How do I view people that ask me for help? (eg., “I guess two heads are better than one, and I don’t think badly of people who ask me for help, sometimes it takes a stronger person to admit they need help”)
• Is it reasonable to base my self-esteem on my past mistakes? (eg., “Everyone makes mistakes. It is unfair to beat myself up over things I can’t change”)
• Is it reasonable to base my self-esteem on my specific weaknesses? (eg., “Just because I am not good at something, does not make me useless as a whole person. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses”)
• Is it reasonable to base my self-esteem on my appearance or on certain personality attributes I have? (eg., “I don’t’ judge others by how they look, so why do it to myself”; “Just because I am shy, doesn’t mean I am a freak, it is just who I am, everyone is different in that way”)
• Is it fair to compare myself to others, and base my self-esteem on whether I am better than they are? (eg., “Just because someone is better than me at this doesn’t make them a better person. There will always be people I am better than at certain things and others who are better than me at certain things”)
• What are other reasons for the way people treat or have treated me, other than personal shortcomings? (eg., “The way they treated me was probably due to the type of person they are and problems they have, rather than who I am”)
• Can I be 100% responsible for other people’s behavior? (eg., “As much as I try to do my best, I don’t have absolute control over my child’s behavior. There are other factors involved, it is not all my fault”)

Once you have identified some other ways of understanding the evidence for your old negative core belief, list these new perspectives in the column marked “Alternatives Ways of Looking at the Evidence” on the worksheet.

Now that you have completed this section of the worksheet, what did you make of what you had written?

Hopefully this exercise will show you that the evidence you base the old negative view of yourself on is not totally accurate and probably unfair in many ways.

Did you find this difficult to do?

It can be in the beginning, because you have always accepted your negative core beliefs and the evidence for them.

However, with practice, and putting on a different perspective (like putting on a different pair of spectacles), you’ll soon find that you can do this exercise with ease.

4. Supporting New Beliefs

You have spent time gaining a new perspective on the evidence you have used in the past to support your old negative view of yourself.

Now let’s turn to supporting the new balanced view of yourself that you have developed. To support your new core beliefs, to take them on board, let them sink in, and make them believable, you need to do two things.

Firstly, you need to gather evidence that is consistent with this new view of yourself, paying attention to evidence from the past/present and looking out for appropriate evidence in the future.

Secondly, you need to act on, and experiment with, this new view of yourself. This means that you need to test it out, try it on for size, and act in ways that are consistent with the new you.

Evidence

In previous modules, we have discussed how when you have a core belief about yourself, you will tend to only pay attention to things that confirm your belief.

Therefore, to enhance the new balanced view of yourself, you will need to start paying attention to evidence from the past and present that confirms this new view. You also need to be ready to pay attention to evidence that arises in the future that confirms this new view. On the ‘Adjusting Negative Core Beliefs’ worksheet, fill in past or present examples or experiences you have had that are consistent with your new balanced core belief.

When doing this, pay attention to things that have happened that support this kinder view of yourself. Once you have done this, fill in the types of evidence likely to arise in the future, which will confirm your new balanced view. This will act as a reminder of what to be on the look out for, to help you strengthen this kinder view of yourself.

Experiments

The last part of adjusting your negative core beliefs involves behaving as if the new balanced view of yourself is true.

At the moment it doesn’t sound very good, does it?

But of course, it is true!

It’s just that you might not quite believe it as yet.

Do you agree?

This is because you have been carrying around the negative core beliefs for a while. However, you are beginning to loosen their hold on you. Let’s loosen it further by changing how you behave and live your life!

Ask yourself how someone who believed this kinder view of themselves might act or behave from day to day?

How you can test out this new perspective you have of yourself?

What things could you do to obtain more evidence for your new balanced core belief?

What new experiences might further support this new perspective you are developing?

In general, to create new opportunities for more experiences that will support your new core belief will involve:

• Approaching rather than avoiding things
• Sticking with challenges rather than escaping
• Stopping safety behaviors and approaching things without taking precautions
• Treating yourself well
• Doing pleasant things for yourself
• Taking note of achievements and positive qualities
• Being active and engaged in life
• Being assertive

At a more specific level, think about exactly what you could do to ‘test-drive’ this new view of yourself.

Exactly what new behaviors will you need to try out?

How will you be behaving differently to before?

Once you have some specific ideas about how to experiment with this new core belief, write these down in the “New Behavior/Experiments” section of the ‘Adjusting Negative Core Beliefs’ worksheet.

5. Evaluating Your Beliefs

Now that you have been through the step-by-step process for adjusting your negative core beliefs, it is important to reflect on what impact this process has had on you.

You can do this by re-rating how much you now believe your old negative core belief and compare it to how much you now believe your new balanced core belief.

Complete these ratings at the bottom of the worksheet.